This is part of the The Dad Toolbox series, providing tools and resources to be a great dad. Read more from the series!

If I had to place my finger on the one crucial element that it takes to be a great dad, it would be the idea of intentionality.

In order to be a great dad, you have to be focused on being a great dad. You have to be intentional.

It’s too easy to just go with the flow, to stay in the rut.

For example, the other day I came home from the church where I work. It had been a long day. I had got a lot accomplished: planning our youth ministry fall kick-off, adding some elements to the church website that I administrate, and a bunch of other stuff. And, since I use a standing desk, my feet were feeling pretty tired.

My usual routine is to come home, kick off my shoes, and relax for a little while. And by relax, I really mean that I don’t relax, because with five kids, and another on the way, there is no such thing as relaxation. My one year old girl was in my lap, showing me the oatmeal on her shirt. My ten year old daughter was asking me something about her science book. And in the midst of this, within moments of walking in the door, this conversation happened:

Titus (my eight year old son): Dad, can we go find a geocache?

Me: Hi, Titus.

Titus: Dad, can we go find one?

Me: Hi, Titus.

Titus: Oh… Hi! Now can we go find a geocache?

Jadon (my three year old son): Can I go find a zeocass too?

And so, I loaded up my two boys, and off we went to find a couple of “zeocasses”. We found two, and got rained on.

But here’s the thing: both my boys absolutely loved it, and the fact that I took them geocaching in the rain showed them that I value them.

It would have been really easy to say no. The weather is threatening. I’m tired. I just got home. I’m not really thrilled about searching for a geocache with a three year old in the mud right now.

It would have been easy to stay in the rut, sit down, and do the same evening routine as usual.

In order to be a great dad, you have to step beyond the usual. You have to step beyond yourself. You have to be intentional.

Intentionality is critical to being a great dad.

If you refuse to make time for your children, you will lose them. I’m not saying that they will go wild, run away, and join a cult. Although that has happened. But there are so many things in the world vying for their attention, seeking their allegiance, that if you don’t fill that role in their lives, something else will. And you will not be satisfied with the results.

Remember the old song, Cat’s In The Cradle? Written by Harry Chapin in 1974, the song is about a dad who never has time for his son, even though the son is clamoring for his attention. The son wants to be just like his dad. But by the end of the song, the roles have reversed, and now the father wants to spend time with his son, who he never sees, but the son never seems to have the time. The son has become just like the dad.

If that father had been intentional about being a great dad, and intentional about being an impacting influence in his son’s life, the result would have been incredibly different.

That song saddens me. Not because I feel bad for that man and his son. No, they are fictional. But they represent a reality that is far too common.  And that saddens me, especially when I see kids desperately seeking the attention of their dads in my community, and not finding it.

Dads, step it up.

Be the influence in the lives of your children that they need you to be.

Be intentional!

What do you do to be intentional in the lives of your children? You can share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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