Some of the first posts I wrote for Deliberate Dads was a series on the Four P’s of Dadhood, which I soon expanded to eight. These articles discussed four essential qualities of dadhood. The first two are practice and patience. The second two are persistence and perspective.
Soon after, I came to the conclusion that my list is incomplete. I’ve identified at least four more essential characteristics that it take to be a great dad. The first one from this extension that I want to discuss is so obvious I really don’t know how I could have overlooked it.
It’s a quality that all dads have to have for their kids, if they want to have any type of relationship at all.
It’s crucial.
Passion
As I thought about the idea of passion, I realized that there are really two aspects to this quality of dadhood. Both of these are a part of the idea of passion, and as such, are sort of related. But they are also separate and distinct qualities that every dad needs to hold on to.
Passion for your kids
Love. It’s simple, really. In order to be a great dad, you need to love your kids passionately. You need to fiercely love them, protect them, provide for them.
Your kids will know if you don’t love them deeply or genuinely. And the scars from that type of neglect run deep. I can’t begin to express the hurt I’ve seen in the lives of students in my youth ministries who have been rejected by their fathers. It devastates and destroys lives.
And it can create a cycle of repetition: kids who aren’t loved by their fathers don’t know how to love their own kids, and generations suffer because of it.
Dads, love your kids. Show that to them, and do it often. But make sure you tell them often, as well. Nothing builds up a child like an expression of love from you to them.
My own dad was a pretty good dad, but he never really knew how to express his love for his children. I could give you a pretty close estimate of just how many times he verbally expressed his love to me when I was growing up, and it would be a pretty low number.
I know that he loved me, he just didn’t know how to express that love.
That’s something I vowed that I wouldn’t let happen when my oldest child was born. And since then, I tell my kids multiple times a day just how much I love them, no matter what. And I can tell that they enjoy hearing it.
Passion for being a great dad
If you want to become the best dad that you can be, you have to want it. That sounds like a football coach yelling at his team during halftime of the championship game. “You have to want it!”
But it’s true. In order to be a great dad, you have to make it a priority. Going with the flow will always result in mediocrity. And I don’t want to offer mediocrity to my kids. I want to give them excellence.
That means that you take the time. Take the time to do things with them. When your son wants to throw a football out in the yard, do it. When your daughter wants to go to Old Navy at midnight on Black Friday so she can buy herself a pair of jeans and save money, take her. Listen to them when they speak, put down what you are doing and look them in the eye and listen.
It also means that you take the time to teach yourself how to be a better dad. Read books and articles. Talk to other dads about what they’ve found effective with their kids. Educate yourself. Again, going with the flow will never grow you. That takes intentionality.
So, Dads, be passionate about this dadhood thing. Be passionate about your kids. And be passionate about being the best dad you can be for them.
It’s definitely worth it.
Question: How would you rate your passion? On a scale of 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest), rate yourself in these two areas. How do you score? You can leave a comment by clicking here.